Loving the Life I Have

Posted on September 23, 2022 by Pat Milland

Life is like seasons. Spring brings new life experiences, summer we bend into those experiences. Fall, like the leaves on trees, may bring changes in relationships. Winter brings time to rest on those changes.

I was in a tribe. That tribe is in new versions of themselves where I am no longer needed because I have fulfilled my role in their lives as Creator meant it to be.

I want to feel that I am good enough. That’s an inside job! I have friends who I do some things with that I don’t do with others. People who love and accept me as I am.

I remember one friend who I first met at a conference. She has come a long way and I believe I have had a large positive influence on her. And her influence in my life was life-giving. I am forever thankful for that. Respect that, Patricia. Honor that. Be grateful for how Creator brought us together for just those purposes. And now it’s time to move on. Our season is done.

That friend has grown so much. Has so much more confidence with being in the public. Her business is thriving. Be happy for her. Love her as she is. She, like all of us, is doing the best she can with the resources she has. And she has incredible resources.

I feel lonely at times. And that’s on me. My low self-esteem. Then I remember that I am in choice. Remembering to breathe slow and low. Remembering to be in this moment! I forget that I am perfect in every moment and Creator offers me all that I need and want. I am at peace when I remember to be connected with Creator and listen! Forgive myself and them.

There are two friends, her, the other of 35 years, that have moved on. I am reminded that for everything there is a season. And life and Creator have presented me with a renewal of past, long-term friends that feed me so well. My job is to listen and be open to new experiences. I am thankful.

Amen.

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Victim Mentality Reversal Meditation Series

Posted on August 16, 2021 by Pat Milland

Give me a call at 416-884-0580 or email me at patricia.milland@gmail.com with your interest.

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Receiving

Posted on July 11, 2020 by Pat Milland

I was informed yesterday that I have breast cancer again, same breast. Sigh…

So, Patricia being Patricia needs to find out what it’s about because I firmly believe there is a mind/body connection to all health and body issues. This about nourishment. This is about how I mother the world but not myself. I would have thought because I meditate daily (usually) and exercise that I was nourishing myself. I have to admit exercise is fairly recent outside of walking.

What I am not doing is being open to receive. That hit me like a two by four! Why would I receive when I have all the answers? – not! Why would I receive when it’s my role to nurture others, hopefully to make them feel better about themselves? Why would I not do the same for myself?

Receive. Do I deserve it?? My logic mind says, of course! My emotional self says, no way. Who and what I am is wrong. Those are the messages I heard my whole life, as a child, a daughter, a sibling, my first intimate relationships, a mother, even some friends. My grown-up self, my coaching/teacher self says the opposite but apparently I am not walking my talk. If it was then I would know in my BEing that who and what I am is right. Hell! I teach this! But…I still believe at some levels,  particularly my child self that who and what I am is wrong because I have yet to heal her. It is important for me to start to listen to her. To listen to my inner dialogue…

One of the gifts of my aneurism of December 8th, 2018 is beginning to learn that I matter to others. Now it’s about learning that I matter to myself! My self matters!

So where do I go from here? First, I journal to get my thoughts out. Thus this post. Then I journal some more, privately. Cry. Open my heart. Feel.

A favourite book of mine is The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. I have read it hundreds of times and still learn something every day. Now to apply the lessons at a deeper level. One of teachings besides meditating daily is to be detached from the outcome of anything that I want. Set goals. Plan. Wish. Want. And then let go of my attachment to the outcome because Creator/the Universe may have many other ideas other than my own of how all it will be manifested.

So, now I will putting my focus on learning to receive. Figure out what that means. Deeply. Truly. Listen. Hear others. Hear Source. Listen to my intuition. Just listen, in silence. Hear my heart. And meditate some more. BElieve that who and what I am is right.

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Almost a Do-over

Posted on May 25, 2019 by Pat Milland

Creating a New Life BEing ME

I suffered an aneurysm December 8th, 2018 at 5:08 ending my life as I knew it. Actually almost ending my life.

Today, May 25, 2019, I am doing the best I can to live in the moment. I avoid living in the past or wondering the future will hold or the drama of what might have been or could be.

What do I want at this moment? What am I trying to here?

What can I offer to myself, say Yes to, what I must say No to?

So far, with my recovery being a miracle, to say the least, I can do anything I did before although it’ll take some more time to get my full strength back. I’m thinking September of this year. I’m told to expect at least 18 months. We’ll see. 🙂 I’m back to boxing 3 times a week which I absolutely love. I walk regularly in Malcolmson Park and each time it is brand new and so BEautiful!

So what do I want to do?

I finally believe I can manifest a successful career doing what I love. No more wishing, wondering, dabbling. I am a teacher, and a life and spiritual coach. I am very good at both and starting from a place of giving back, I am doing it.

  • I started weekly Tuesday morning meditation classes. The only thing I ask is a $5 donation to a charity I care about – Tomorrow’s Voices, a children’s choir composed of children whose voices need to be heard and love to sing.

Next I am creating 3 programs including meditation.

  • Compassion & Loving Kindness
  • Frequency Change
  • Self Worth

I have started (restarted) the coaching side of my business. It feels so right and I am excited to help those who want to help themselves.

I have started blogging on my website again. I will continue with my video blogs which are in the moment contributions and fun to do.

So, I am feeling terrific and know that I am on the right track filled with confidence and full of love. Won’t you join me?

Contact me here or email me at patricia.milland@gmail.com; or PM on my Facebook pages – The Universe Unfolds or Patricia Barnes Milland.

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Hope. Choice.

Posted on November 29, 2018 by Pat Milland

There are points in our lives when we feel we are completely at the end of our ropes. God – what a horrible metaphor! And yet…

We feel we have no choice. No future. No clue. No hope. No love. We are so depressed and lost. We escape into avoidance.

And then…

Thirty years ago – at age 42, that was me. I had just come out from an abusive 6-year relationship. Financially, sexually, emotionally, psychologically overload of abuse.  I  had been suicidal a few months earlier.

I had 2 young sons, ages 3 and 8, a mortgage, a car loan I was coerced into co-signing for a car that I didn’t have and had to pay back, and I’d had been out of the workforce for 10 years.

And almost no money in the bank.

What the hell do I do???

Do I give into a depression? For a bit. But then reality kicks in. Who’s going to take care of things? Someone else? Not!

I’m a fighter. Always have been in spite of being told my whole life that I was too sensitive. I now know what being ‘too sensitive’ means. But that’s another story.

I decided – yes – decided — The hell with this!!! What are my choices?

I could move back to Montreal (from Ottawa) to my support system there.  Nope. Not an option. Why – because I didn’t want to be leaning on anyone but myself now. I wanted to create a new support system – starting with myself. I wanted to move forward, not backward.

I could go on welfare and I did for 3 months.

So what next? I talked to anyone and everyone who would listen, who might have a suggestion, an idea that would help me take charge of my life, to move forward.

And I listened!

I found a job reentry government program for women that was awesome. I graduated at the top of the class and was asked to speak to the next years’ group to share my story and to suggest to them that anything was possible when we make the choice to move forward, to take charge of our lives.

And I found a wonderful life coach who helped me help myself to change my life.

In the end, it was up to me. It was up to me to ensure my kids had a roof over their heads. It was up to me to make sure they had food and a sense of safety. It was up to me to find myself and my inner God-given strength, to tap into it and hang on tight. It was up to me to take my power back!

Life still had its challenges – it always does. But with a determination, understanding and belief system that only I am responsible for my life, that it is up to me and only me, I learned to thrive. Oh, I still had many moments, even days and weeks, of despair and depression. But I eventually tap into my inner strength and knowing. I was also open to any help that would help me build on that. (That was really important! It’s as important to receive as it is to give.)

I prayed – a lot. I asked God for guidance and help every day.  And to be honest, I didn’t know how to listen then. But that day in my kitchen when all seemed hopeless and depressing I decided to take charge of my life. It was God speaking to me – and I listened.

Today, I am happy. I am blessed. I am also blessed with those life challenges as difficult as they were because they helped me become who I am today. And I really like and love who I am today.

If you are going through a challenging time – be it grieving, depression, loneliness, fear – please listen to the little voice in your head that says – there is hope. Because there is. Choose. Choose to take charge of your life vs life taking charge of you. You can do it.

And please know – You are loved. You are love.

 

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Self-worth – Lessons from Childhood

Posted on October 16, 2018 by Pat Milland

I’ve been working hard on figuring out what stops me from really moving forward with my business. I’ve done some work that I am quite proud of but I could surely ramp it up to be more successful.

So, I think about it… Wheels turning around and around – going nowhere.

I talk about it. Some movement but still no clear answers.

I journal on it. It brings me some insight.

I meditate on it. And…

In this particular meditation (Campfire by Patricia Wall) I asked for information about what stops me. What stops me from following through on more projects, more marketing, more reading, more whatever … It’s like a parts party – you talk to the part of you that may help, without judging that part; simply loving it.

What I found out were the lessons I learned as a child. When I look at the situations as an adult, my feelings, my perceptions are very different – but as a child we see the situations very differently and take things very personally.

The lesson I learned over and over was I was not worthy. I had no value. Favourite clothes given away because I didn’t wear them in 3 weeks. Not allowed to go to sleep-overs although my sister could. (I just recently realized the why.) Pretty good competitive gymnast – no one came to see me compete. Academic award disappears with no explanations. Pets disappeared with lies for an explanation. And so on. (I know – woe is me. But remember – this is a child’s perception. Imagine what we have done to our children unintentionally.)

What I learned was it wasn’t worthwhile to do what I loved. I learned not to depend on being able to keep what was important to me. I learned that even when I put the effort in, it would be taken away or ignored.  I learned that no one much cared to celebrate me and that with low self esteem I didn’t have the capacity to. I learned I had no worth, no value as an individual. I became a target for sexual abuse… Another story…

What I learned was that who and what I was, was wrong. I was taught guilt and shame. What I learned was, I had no power.

So we grow up with these core beliefs and wonder why things aren’t happening. We go into blame mode hoping it’s the fault of anything outside of ourselves – and it never is.

This is why I do the work. This is why I have spent my whole life from age seven, working on finding myself, learning to love and appreciate myself…and still another leaf to turn over, another layer to peel. Almost always it comes down to Mother issues. (Upcoming workshop on Mothers coming soon!)

So this evening I change my core beliefs knowing that the brain believes what we tell it. I will have to say it often until it becomes the truth. The seed is securely planted.

I am worthy.

I have value.

I am worthy of success.

I have the gumption and love of self to follow through on building an even stronger career as an Energy Healer and Teacher of Spiritual Life Skills.  Why? Because I can. Because I know what I know and I am excellent at it.

My energy has attracted a loving support system that has my back.

I feel like a kid again filled with the potential of so many possibilities. You’re never too old to go for what you have always wanted. Do the work. Find out what stops you. Dig deep. It’s worth it. You are worth it. It’s exciting. Honest.

 

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Calling Myself Wrong!

Posted on September 15, 2018 by Pat Milland
OMG! I teach this. I hold workshops and meditation series and classes about this!
 
And???!!!
 
This morning I got up after expressing my gratitude and I immediately upon rising started calling myself wrong.
 
Wrong for not showering right away.
Wrong for not brushing my teeth right away.
Wrong for wasting so much time on Facebook before doing my meditation, journaling, and smudging.
Wrong for not doing the laundry 1st thing.
Wrong for feeling a little down in the dumps.
Wrong for ….
 
You know what the problem with this is? It’s wrong!🤣😂
 
I teach ‘what and who you are in every moment, is right!’ I teach this because it is the truth.
We do what we do with the resources we have in the moment. Not the judgment we have later – but in the moment. The judgment we have later is based on information we didn’t or couldn’t access in that moment.
We are in choice. In every moment.
 
Now as l look back over the day I see that without those choices I later judged as wrong, I wouldn’t have read the Jian Gohmeshi article. I wouldn’t have meditated and felt a strong desire to post about choice and abuse. (See previous post here) I wouldn’t be writing this.
 
So? Is who or what I am wrong? Not for a second. I’m good! I’m exactly where I need to be in this moment. And right now – I’m going for that walk I promised myself (thanks Angela for the push!) before I have a glorious bath with candles and lovely incense. And tonight – a comedy show downtown!
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CHOOSE

Posted on September 15, 2018 by Pat Milland

Before I do my ‘take care of me’ things I must speak my mind. In meditation earlier, whilst I was trying to keep my focus this kept coming to mind – obviously telling me to speak up! And we all know how hard that is for me! Not!

Earlier today, I read and posted an excellent piece written by Jian Ghomeshi for the New York Times. It got me thinking about how many men have been called out for inappropriate and sometimes very offensive behaviours. For some of them, it was about damn time! Others? I wonder. Men like Al Franken whose career was shot down by unproven allegations (and probably planted by Republicans IMHO). Others who definitely behaved inappropriately and whose careers have been shattered and they and their families lives, as well as many people who worked for them, to be innocently and impactfully affected. Almost all of them accused – without proof – about things they did years ago. Might I say – young and foolish? Might I also say – back in the day, and even today, it was expected and accepted? By women who are afraid.

Should they be excused? No. Should they own up to it? Yes. With honesty, asking forgiveness for whomever they hurt and also, forgiving themselves.

So. What’s my beef?

So many of us got on the bandwagon about this, about sexual abuse. We did walks. We chanted. We sang. We wrote about the horror of it all. And yet…

How many of us named the men in our lives – boyfriends, husbands, current or past… or called out teachers, bosses, family members, you name it – men in our lives who do or have done the same, or worse – and we let them off the hook? Why?

In my humble opinion, this is why. We don’t want people to know it has hit us at home. That we were/are victims to it. We are afraid to take back our power, to own our power, to be the warrior and the strength that lies within us. There are a thousand reasons – all valid in the moment.

Do we need to call them out? No. What we need to do is to look within. Find out what it was/is about us that allows us to accept being treated with little or no respect. Where did we learn that it was OK. Because as much as we hate to admit it – we have allowed them to treat us the way they have/do. Damn! We do it to ourselves! We haven’t learned about choice and owning it. We haven’t learned that we train people how to treat us. We have so much pain within us that loving ourselves seems impossible. Accepting and approving of ourselves seems impossible. (See post on Calling Ourselves Wrong coming up next.)

So next time you want to bash someone for their behaviour you might ask – I wonder what the mirror is for me? What is it I need to learn? What is it I need to do (not them) to make my life better, happier? We are in choice. We are always in choice. Sometimes the choice can be very challenging – and still, we are in choice.

Choose you.
Choose owning your power.
Choose being in this moment.
Choose releasing the past. It has no value in this moment. It never will unless you are learning something from it. If you’re not learning something from it, ask yourself what stops you. What are you afraid of?
Hanging onto to anger and pain is literally poisoning – yourself! Get the help you need if doing it alone is too hard. It’s OK. Really it is.
Choose.

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Tribes

Posted on September 10, 2018 by Pat Milland

I learned some time ago about how women in caveman days, tended the fire – owned the fire.  They determined who could and would be invited to the fire. These women owned their power. Each person had to earn their place, their role, their contribution, to share the fire.

Tribes today can be the same as then. People who have earned to right to be part of the tribe. People who respect one another, know their role, their place in the tribe, their contribution. They own it.

Today, all to often, women don’t own their power. They give it away. They go into blame mode for the misery in their lives. It’s someone or something else’s fault for their unhappiness. They don’t own their fire. They allow others to influence what they think, do and say. They gossip. They cry. They are depressed. They get sick or develop pain that sometimes is crippling. Because they don’t own their power. They don’t tend to their fire.

They lose their position in the tribe, either by choice or by consequence when they expect others to fulfill their perception of what they need to feel right and good about themselves… When they go into blame mode instead of taking responsibility for their lives – by looking within to find where they need to be healed. By getting the help they need, if necessary.

We can love them still. We can love them unconditionally and accept them for who and what they are -because we own our fire. We know who we are. We are love…as are they at their core. And as Eckhart Tolle says: “We can love someone but we don’t have to have lunch with them.”

Does this mean they can never earn their place back into the tribe? Of course not. But it will have to be earned, just like the rest of the tribe. It may take time and courage. And it’s doable. Inner work. Meditation. Facing the truth of who they are. Because whatever they see as wrong in someone else is really a reflection of themselves. Love the mirror! It doesn’t always show us what we want to see and hear. But when we learn to listen, to see, then we can evolve into the love that we are. We are all love at our core. Learning to tap into that can be quite the journey – but I promise you. It is SO worth it.

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Ask and It Is Given!

Posted on May 15, 2018 by Pat Milland

I’ve been ‘adulting’ most of my life, including too much of my childhood. It’s tiring and even lonely too much of the time.

You’ve heard of ‘Ask and it is given?’ Well – I did. At the beginning of the year I asked Source/Creator/God and my Angels for some friends who would accept and approve of me exactly as I am, women I can be myself with, without having to be careful what I say or do, and preferably like-minded but not an absolute. You know the kind – those that simply accept you without condition.

Magic! They arrived almost immediately. It was overwhelming at first. I still have to pause at the love, acceptance, and approval I have from these awesome women – most of them are two to three decades younger than I am.

I know that in order for me to have attracted these phenomenal women in my life, I had to be in a place where I am comfortable accepting and approving of my Self – and loving myself. These women have enhanced my life enormously. There is never a criticism or a judgment. Pure acceptance. And hugs! So many real tight loving hugs! Who knew this was possible?! I still pinch myself – ‘is this real?’

I have learned that I can play again, jump in puddles, watch movies such as The Ever Ending Story (awesome!!!) Narnia, Mr. McGorium and the Wonder Emporium, Peter Pan, and others – and watch with a child’s eyes being reminded of the most important life lessons at the same time – lessons we forget as we learn to ‘adult’.

I can believe in fairies, Angels, unicorns. What?! Yes! I actually pretend to see them – and then I do. My imagination is growing beyond my belief of possibilities. That’s what happens when we let go of outcomes and control. Anything can happen and almost always way beyond what we can possibly imagine.

Why do we give up on playfulness, and pretending? Culture? Other people’s expectations? Societal expectations? Life hard knocks and experiences? I suspect that is a big one. Not anymore! It’s not even ‘not anymore’. It feels like the first time for me. And I have to say – it’s f…in awesome. (My 2 new favourite words! :))

I think it’s important to find out why we are afraid to really ask for what we really want. Is it fear that we are beyond it or that we don’t deserve it or someone might think it’s silly? We’ve learned the adult stuff – that we have to be tough, to be an adult, ‘mature’, we have responsibilities. In my mind now, we need to feed our souls, every day – and learning how to playful, to be child-like again with no fear, ‘living in joy’ moments, – all doable when we are in choice. And we are always in choice.

So welcome to my new world – of playfulness, of pretend, of fun, of so much love. I hope you can find yours, too. Ask and it is given. The important part when asking is letting go of the outcome! Trust!

Have a glorious day…

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