Freedom is choosing your responsibility. It's not having no responsibilities; it's choosing the ones you want.
- Toni Morrison

I've known for a long time now - or believed - that the only way I have really accomplished anything was based on survival - that without that I didn't have the motivation to do or accomplish what I need or want. The reality is I have achieved many wonderful and successful things in my life that had nothing to do with survival. I forgot to remember them because at some level I felt that it was OK to abdicate myself, my life. It was OK to simply put my life in someone else's hands and no longer be responsible for myself. Oh yes, I continued to learn and also grew spiritually, and the journey has been challenging to say the least and I would not change a minute of it. What I gave up though, was not for my highest good. I gave up being responsible for myself financially and more importantly on who I AM and can be. I thought - Great, I am safe now! He will keep me safe.

How wrong I was. Although I take great pride in knowing I am responsible for my feelings, my fears, my reality, what I didn't realize until the last few days is that in abdicating myself to my husband financially what I was really doing was not taking responsibility for my feeling safe within myself. It was his job to make me feel safe. Not!

Today I learned that survival is a state of mind. I am a proud survivor. But it is not the frame of mind I want to live in anymore - "look at me I am a survivor". My reality is I have many wonderful accomplishments that I let go of, overlooked and replaced with my fears. My reality is those accomplishments are who I am, of who I can be, of what I am more than capable of BEing. I want to get involved with something that draws on my passions again. I want to contribute to society for the right reasons, for giving for the sake of giving; sharing my story in the hopes it will help others know that they too can become more fully who they are.

So now I look at myself with fresh eyes and with love and commitment to fulfilling my soul's purpose - to help others help themselves. And to truly live my life with passion yet again ~~~